Tobi's Book of Ways to Annoy Deidara
by jojojoejao
Summary: Tobi's many ways to annoy Deidara.  :3
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! Joey here. I know I've been gone for a while but I finally came back. Anyway I wrote this on the way back from the beach because my iPod died and I was bored to tears. I'm not gonna read over this or revise or anything so it's almost like you're reading straight out of my original notebook. This is my first Naruto fic so don't hate me or anything because it sucks. Anywayz roll chappie! :3

Tobi's Book of Ways to Annoy Deidara

Ways 1-25

1. Call him a girl.

2. Tell him that his art is a rip-off.

3. Steal his exploding clay.

4. Say un, hn, or yeah in front of him.

5. Ask him about his past boyfriends.

6. Wear you hair in a ponytail then skip around saying "I'm Deidara-sempai!" repeatedly.

7. Sign him up to be a volunteer firefighter.

8. Ask him why he and Sasori haven't hooked up.

9. Force him to watch a documentary on the dangers of fireworks.

10. Cut his hair while he's asleep.

11. Give Tobi 10 cups of coffee then lock him and Deidara in a room together.

12. Make him play 7 minutes in heaven with Itachi.

13. Tell him to take off his shirt because you want to make sure that he doesn't have

boobs.

14. Tell him that Ino called. She wants her girly hair back.

15. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch a 7 hour Hannah Montana marathon.

16. Give him fireworks for his birthday then hide all the matches.

17. Steal Itachi's dango then hide it in his room.

18. Replace his exploding clay with Play-Doh.

19. Give Sai a pair of scissors then lock him in Deidara's closet.

20. Tell blonde jokes in front of him.

21. Give him a fire extinguisher for his birthday.

22. Make him watch every Smoky the Bear "only you can prevent wildfires" commercial

ever made.

23. Take his clay and make him a mask like Tobi's.

24. Ask him when his next appointment at the hair salon is.

25. Make him read DeidaraxSasori and DeidaraxTobi doujinshi.

End chappie! Sorry for the shortness but that's all I could think of for now. There will be another 25 ways to annoy Deidara in the next chappie. Kay baiz. See you next chappie! :3


	2. Chapter 2

Kay do you guys remember how in the last chapter I said that the next chapter would have 25 more ways to annoy Deidara? Well it turns out that I lied. I forgot about some of the rules of the site so I thought of a new format thingy I guess for this story. The chapters will alternate between 25 ways to annoy Deidara and how 5 of the examples in the previous chapter turned out. This way I guess I'm not violating any rules or anything. I hope not :). Its gonna continue this way until I run out of ideas. These examples are set in nobody's point of view. They're just kinda like short stories or whatever. Roll chappie! :3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara-sempai would still be alive. RIP Deidara-sempai

Tobi's Book of Ways to Annoy Deidara: The results of examples 10, 11, 15, 17, and 19

A note from Tobi: Most of these examples will get you suffocated and/or blown up.

10. Cut his hair while he's asleep.

Tobi was skipping around the Akatsuki hideout one night. He woke up at about midnight from a nightmare and he couldn't get back to sleep, so he went to the kitchen to get some milk from the refridgerator. But he accidentally picked up a can of soda. It only made him more hyper which made it even harder for him to fall asleep.

So Tobi decided to run around the hideout to tire himself out. When he ran past the living room, he noticed a pair of scissors lying on the coffee table. *evil grin*

Tobi carried the scissors carefully with the point facing the floor and walked slowly just like leader-sama told him to do so Tobi didn't "accidentally" throw the scissors across the room and hit Itachi in the face again. He walked down the hall until he came to his blonde sempai's room.

"MUAHAHAHAHA," Tobi screamed.

"Tobi! Shut up!"

"Oopsie. Sorry Kisame-san."

"muahahaha," Tobi whispered.

Tobi opened the door to Deidara's room trying not to make a sound. He tiptoed inside completely silent. That is until he tripped over a bag of exploding clay and hit the floor with a loud "thud."

Deidara acted like he was going to wake up for a second but then turned over and stayed asleep.

Tobi sighed in relief then crept over to Deidara.

"Heheheheheh."

*snip snip snip*

Tobi left the room and went back to his own room. He still couldn't fall asleep because he was too busy imagining how Deidara would react to his new haircut.

*the next morning*

Deidara clumsily got out of bed and walked over to the mirror to fix his hair just like he did every morning. He didn't even bother to open his eyes because he already knew his way around the room.

When he reached the mirror, he opened his eyes, but he couldn't believe what he saw.

*in the living room*

Tobi and the rest of the Akatsuki had already woken up and were watching TV. Since it was Tobi's turn to have the remote, everyone had no choice but to watch Spongebob Squarepants while they ate their breakfast.

Suddenly everyone heard Deidara yelling from his room.

"Tobi! When I find you, you're gonna be a dead man...boy...thing!"

Everybody looked at Tobi.

"Uh Tobi, what exactly did you do?" Kisame asked.

"You'll see."

Deidara ran into the living room still in his pajamas with a haircut just like Tobi's.

Everyone just stared for a second then burst out into fits of hysteric laughter.

"Haha sempai! You look just like me!"

"TOBI! YOU'RE DEAD!"

Tobi ran away and Deidara chased him while the rest of the Akatsuki was still pointing and laughing

11. Give Tobi 10 cups of coffee and lock him in a room with Deidara.

Itachi hates being bored. But who doesn't?

He had tried everything he could think of to pass the time. He tried sleeping, watching TV, and even drawing. But nothing was entertaining.

Then Itachi remembered the book that Tobi had given him and every other member of Akatsuki. He didn't think it would be useful at the time, so he just threw it away without even reading the title.

Desperate for something to do, he took the book out of the trash and read the title: "Tobi's Book of Ways to Annoy Deidara" by Tobi :D

_Well this should entertain me for at least 5 minutes_, he thought.

Itachi flipped to a random page and read the first example: Give Tobi 10 cups of coffee and lock him in a room with Deidara.

_Might as well try it._ _It's not like I have anything better to do._

*after a quick visit to Starbucks (1)*

"Tobi! Come here NOW!" Itachi yelled when he got back to the hideout.

"Coming! :D"

Tobi started skipping down the hallway but accidentally tripped over his own two feet. He ran into a door and accidentally forced it open.

Tobi looked up and saw Konan naked in the shower.

Tobi just stared at her. That is until Konan realised he was there.

Konan screamed.

_Uh oh, _Tobi thought. He heard a menacing voice from the hall.

"Tobi, what do you think you're doing with my girl?"

"No no no no no! Tobi wasn't doing anything! Tobi didn't mean to peek at Konan! Tobi is a good boy! Please don't kill Tobi, Leader-sama!"

*insert bloody fight scene here*

When Tobi found Itachi, he had two black eyes, a broken nose, and a very bruised ego. Itachi would've asked how it happened, but he really didn't care.

"Owwie. Leader-sama is so mean to Tobi. Anyway what did you need Tobi for Itachi-san."

"I uhh bought you some coffee."

Tobi was confused at first because Itachi had never done anything nice for him before. He looked down and saw 10 cups of coffee then remembered the book that he had written.

"*gasp* Itachi-san! You read my book! Yay! Tobi is a success!"

"Ugh Tobi just drink the coffee."

"Anything for a fan of Tobi's book. :D"

Tobi drained the coffee in just a few minutes.

"Ok Tobi. Deidara is in his room asleep. I want you to go in there and aggravate the pure living hell out of him. Understand?"

"Yep!"

Tobi ran into Deidara's room while Itachi locked the door behind him.

*in Deidara's room*

Tobi started jumping on the bed yelling "SEMPAI! SEMPAI! WAKE UP SEMPAI!"

"Tobi! What are you doing!

"If I had a lizard, I would name him Jim!"

"Who cares?"

Tobi started hitting Deidara and yelling "BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER BOTHER!"

"I gotta get outta here."

"My cat's breath smells like cat food."

When Deidara tried to open the door, he found that he was locked inside his own room.

"Oh no."

"Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Sing with me sempai!"

"Tobi! Go to hell!"

"We're gonna be super friends forever!"

"Fuck off"

"Super friends!"

"Leave me alone!"

"Super friends!"

*scream*

*the next morning*

"Super friends!"

*headdesk*

15. Tie him to a chair and force him to watch a 7 hour Hannah Montana Marathon.

One time Tobi was in the Akatsuki hideout watching TV, but there was nothing on because it was the middle of the day. He flipped through the channels and he still didn't find anything worth watching.

He kept skimming through channels until he found Disney Channel. He heard a girl's voice coming from the TV.

"You get the best of both worlds. Chill it out. Take it slow. Then you rock out the show."

"AAAHHHH! Tobi's ears!"

Tobi turned off the TV while trying to hide by hiding under the couch.

Then Tobi got an idea. A wonderful idea. A horrible wonderful idea.

"Oh sempai!"

"What!"

"I have a surprise for you."

"Don't care."

"Pleeeaasseee sempaaaiii."

"Ugh fine."

"Ok sempai. Sit in that chair."

"Why?"

"It's part of the surprise."

"Ok fine. Wait what's the rope for?"

"You'll see."

"Oh no. RAPE! RAPE! Uhhh FIRE! (2)

Tobi tied Deidara to the recliner and turned on the tv.

"You get the best of both worlds."

"Tobi, what is this?"

"Goodbye sempai."

"Where are you going?"

Tobi left the room.

Deidara was forced to watch 7 hours of horrible jokes and "_ say whats." The theme song was stuck in his head for 2 weeks.

17. Steal Itachi's dango and hide it in Deidara's room.

"WHO STOLE MY FUCKING DANGO!" Itachi yelled when he went back to his room to discover that his beloved stash of dango that he kept under his bed had gone missing.

"I will tear apart this hideout until I find the idiot who stole it!"

Itachi tore apart every room until he came to Deidara's room. He kicked down the door and opened Deidara's dresser to find all of his dango.

"DEIDARA! WHEN I FIND YOU I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

"What is it?"

"You. Stole. My. Dango."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"But I found MY dango in YOUR dresser!"

The two arguing Akatsuki members heard somebody laughing. The turned and saw Tobi laughing so hard that he fell down and was clutching his sides.

"HAHAHA! Kakuzu-san said you were too clever of a ninja to fall for that! I guess I proved him wrong! HAHAHA!"

"Tobi."

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

Tobi tried to run away but got caught in Itachi's genjutsu. Deidara had the chance to set off a bomb once Tobi couldn't move anymore.

Tobi learned that day to NEVER mess with Itachi's dango.

19. Give Sai a pair of scissors and lock him in Deidara's closet.

One day Sai was captured by the Akatsuki to lure out the nine-tailed jinchuriki. Tobi was supposed to watch him to make sure he didn't try to escape.

But Tobi got bored, so he decided to play a prank on his sempai. He gave Sai a pair of scissors and locked him in Deidara sempai's closet.

*snip snip*

Deidara had to wear the same outfit for days because it was the only thing Sai DIDN'T ruin.

(1) I do not own :)

(2) You yell fire because everybody will come if there's a fire but nobody will come if someone's being raped because nobody wants to see that. :3

I apologize for the shortness of the last part but I ran out of ideas. I also apologize for the late update but my computer crashed and I didn't have access to anyone elses computer. Wow this was a really long chapter. Its longer than most of my stories. Anyway. I'll try to have the next chapter up soon but I don't really know how soon it will be because I have band rehearsals every day, other stories to work on, and school starts in 2 weeks. But I will apologize in advance for the possible late updates. Oh well. R&R plz. Click that little button near the bottom of the screen. You know you want to. :3


	3. Chapter 3

***gasp* Joey returns. It's been like forever since I've been on FFN. Yah but school started back and whatnot sooooo not much time for writing anymore. But anyway I present to you 25 more ways to annoy Deidara! :D**

**

* * *

**

Tobi's Book of Ways to Annoy Deidara

Ways 26-50

26. Use the word "literally" in every sentence.

27. Constantly correct him, even if he's right.

28. Chew very loudly.

29. Be happy...ALL THE TIME!

30. Ask him to repeat everything he says.

31. Whenever he tries to talk, laugh hysterically.

32. Throw your dirty socks in his face.

33. Sing everything that you say.

34. Steal Itachi's clothes, lay them in the floor, of Deidara's room, take pictures, and give the pictures to the rest of the Akatsuki.

35. Change moods every 10 seconds.

36. Tell him the Al Quaeda wants him back.

37. Sing "Dude Looks Like a Lady" nonstop for four hours.

38. Sing it terribly out of tune.

39. Every thirty minutes proudly announce that you lost the game.

40. Mix in chewing gum with his exploding clay.

41. Insist that the two of you go shopping together, then spend all his money.

42. Scream very loudly. When he asks you what's wrong, say "John Lennon is dead!"

43. Eat the last cookie.

44. Tell him you bought him an extravagant gift for Christmas (but really give him a can of tomato soup).

45. Fall asleep in the middle of a conversation.

46. Claim that Sasori is back to haunt him.

47. Talk about your favorite football team all the time just because you know he doesn't care. (1)

48. Brag about EVERYTHING.

49. Post PedoBears all over his Yahoo Answers account.

50. Tell him you booked him a vacation to Fiji, then trick him into getting on a plane to Alaska.

(1) "IT'S ALL ABOUT THE HORNS BABY!" Yah just a douche in my English class that's obsessed with the Texas Longhorns.

* * *

END CHAPPIE! Hope ya liked it. Idk when I'll be able to post the next chapter but we shall see. Kbaiz. :3


End file.
